Zen's Aviary...
Home of the Parrot-Loving, Slightly Neurotic,

Jewelry Designing, Enigmatic Pagan Chick!

depression, anger turned inward?

i'm tired.

another night of very little sleep. just can't turn off the brain. last night i felt like i spent hours blogging in my head! i suppose i should have just got on here and written things out and maybe that would have helped me sleep. but no, i just lie there, getting more and more irritated at not being able to STOP MY BRAIN!

last night was a bad night with the hubby. the evening started out well. he got home from work and we actually spent some time together in the kitchen chatting about his day.

things at his work are not going well, he's just not happy there. he feels they are expecting too much from him in so many ways. so he comes home irritable, stressed, and bitching at me. i try to just listen to him, support him, and not make a bunch of suggestions that i know would irritate him.

finally tho last evening i said...

"you know, you've got to find a way to not let them get to you. to just do your job to the best of your ability and let their words roll off your back."

he said "i know, i know, but i don't seem to be able to control the stress and anger".

which to me seemed an appropriate opening to discuss some things with him. i started out gingerly...

"you know hon, how you constantly say i should be able to control my depression, and just stop being depressed?"

his reply, "well, you should be able to".

"can you not understand that it's rather like your anger and stress? you want to be able to manage it better, you don't like for the anger emotions to control you...yet they do. you get angry, i get depressed, i mean many docs say that depression is just anger turned inwards. why is it that you have so much trouble understanding my depression when you deal with some of the same things?"

his reply, "well, you should get angry instead".

end of conversation!


to be cont'd. 3 little birdies chirped

10:10 a.m. :: ::
fly back :: fly forward