blah, blah, blah again...

well i'm feeling somewhat better emotionally. the depression shroud has seemed to have lifted if only slightly. the warmer weather and more daylight has helped this week.

talked to my primary physician today about the decision i had made two months ago to try cymbalta since i'd been on effexor for years and cymbalta is also supposed to help physical pain.

i did really well the month i was taking both the cymbalta and effexor (during the weaning off process of effexor) but as soon as i ended the effexor and tried to just take the cymbalta...KERTWHACK!...the depression dropped on me like a ton of bricks. i ended up burning my arm pretty bad with a ciggie, thank goodness it's still long sleeved weather, couldn't bear for anyone to see what i've done. (after a YEAR of no self-injury)....GRRRR.

so my primary care doc (we'll call her doc daisy) told me to go back on the effexor...i admitted to her what i'd done and she was totally cool about it, not acting all freaky or anything which so many people do when dealing with self-injurers.

so she's calling back in the effexor today.

i'm not sure if i'm really noticing any relief from the steroid injections. it's not been a week yet and the pain doc (we'll call him doc pain HA) said it could be a month or so before i can really tell if it is helping~

i've been stretching more this week and trying to loosen up these muscles and hopefully get them stronger to take of the weight off my spine and hips. i have degenerative disc disease in my back and osteo-arthritis in my hips. yes years of an eating disorder does play havoc on one's body!

okay, medical crappola discussed enough.

things are going better with the hubby. i'm trying to make more of an effort to spend some time with him and reach out to him, other than isolating in my aviary with my birds and the tv. last night we actually watched a movie together, "talladega nights" which i found hilarious and truly enjoyed and the hubby found too silly.

i know he's truly stressed out about work and finances right now. with me not working yet it's hurting us. i finally started getting my unemployemnt this week and am looking for a job. sending out dozens of resumes a week. but haven't received any calls yet for an interview. damn.

my only real fear about working full time (as opposed to a temp agency where i have short assignments) is that i'm afraid my health will interfere again and i'll miss too much work. i want to work! but i need an employer that is willing to work with me regarding twice a month doctor's appointments and at least quarterly procedures. i'm a very hard worker and my work will always be done, i just need them to work with me at getting time off for my medical crappola. difficult to find.

my dog tarna is doing so much better since starting the chemo! she's acting like a puppy again! running around the house, eating like a horse and humping my leg again! yep i have a lesbian dog! *grin* friday i take her for another chemo treatment friday.

fids are all doing very well and constantly keep me amused and amazed. they are the one thing that can make me smile even when having a crappy day! how can you resist a tiny feathered friend that kisses your face all over while saying "i love you, i love you, hey baby!".

a pic of my dear tarna:

love to all,
~zen 5 little birdies chirped