and there is an ultimatum.
i told him that he needed to make a decision. either he wanted to be married to me, or he didn't. but no more game playing, or fighting or tearing each other apart with words. i told him if he didn't want to be married to be, then he needed to leave the house...that i already had arrangements for two roommates to move in and share the rent with me so i didn't need him to stay just because he felt sorry for me.
but i told him he had to make a decision and stick to it. i wasn't going to put up with him talking down to me, or EVER laying a hand even near me in anger again. i talked, he listened (amazing eh?) and he apologized. yes, he the man who'd sooner have a bikini wax than utter those simple words...he told me he was sorry! but i told him, i didn't want mere words, that he needed to show me with actions that he was really sorry.
i went back to my aviary while i was still feeling strong and in control...and i didn't cry! one of the things i hate about my self is that whenever i'm faced with confrontation, i cry. the worst part is when it happens in a work environment. i hate when being angry makes me cry! so i was proud of myself.
so now we're in that awkward 'rebuilding' phase, where we're kinda tiptoeing around each other's feelings. thinking twice, speaking once. and even with all the ups and downs in our marriage; there has always been love. and i'm trying to be more understanding of his stresses. it's hard to be the spouse of a chronically ill person, and so often i don't see it thru his eyes. he has all the financial stresses of making sure our bills are paid and we have health insurance.
to be cont'd. 14 little birdies chirped
