a marriage up in smoke...
started out good. went out to the store with my neighbor and friend kitten and her mom and grandaughter. we just ran errands but it was fun being out and about and just chatting and laughing.
came home and started some laundry and did some more cleaning. my aviary is looking good...i've even dusted all my little knicknacks. took them all off the mantle and shelves and dusted them all. so they are all bright and shiny! the room is feeling better already. it's amazing how the energy in a room changes when it's all clean and peaceful.
then the hubby comes in and says he wants to go out to the store and buy us both new dvd players for our living rooms. i think i've told you before that we have separate living rooms! he turned the dining room into a computer/living room for himself and i have the living room (my aviary).
i say okay and ask him how he can hook up a new dvd player to his old tv. he has a projection tv in his room but he prefers it for movies and likes to watch regular tv on a regular tv. lol..that sounds dumb...but anyway. i say, why don't you get yourself a new tv and it can be your christmas gift. he was all about that so i went upstairs to put on jeans.
mistake there cuz my jeans feel uncomfortably tight around the waist. i come back down and tell him i have got to get rid of my tummy and i wanted to start smoking again, just til i lost some weight.
well he went NUTS! started screaming at me that no way was i going to smoke...that i was forbidden to smoke. he said "oh my god, you already bought a pack when you were out with kittne today, didn't you?". i said yes. and again with the screaming only more so. he was yelling that that was it and he was finished with me, our marriage was over and he wanted me the fuck out. i said i wasn't leaving and if he was serious about wanting to leave me then he needed to be the one to leave.
he started grabbing at things and throwing shit around looking for my purse. he said "give me your charge card and debit card, NOW". i wouldn't do it so he started grabbing my purse and i grabbed it back. he started shoving me and pushing me and i told him if he touched me again i was calling 911 and i grabbed the phone. he grabbed the phone away from me and put it in his pocket.
he told me that he wanted a divorce and he was done with me. i again told him i wasn't leaving this house or my birds. he said there was no way i could afford this place on my own. i told him i'd just have guy and his girlfriend move in because they were looking for a bigger place on this side of town. the three of us could swing the bills.
he just continued yelling and screaming and told me he hoped i was homeless for christmas. i told him just to go away and leave me alone that i wasn't going to argue with him anymore, that he was being ridiculous and i wasn't a child that he could control and forbid to do things. he finally left and.............................i went outside and smoked the forbidden cigarette.
a marriage undone by a cigarette.
i just get so angry with him. he consistently thinks he can tell me what to do. it's weird because he's not controlling about a lot of things. but he seems to think that when he forbids me something i'll just cave. he's not even open for discussion.
and i'm so sick of him threatening to leave me every other month. it's just not right and it's so stressful. i'm on a rollercoaster that never ends.
*sigh* who knows where this is going.
~zen
