Zen's Aviary...
Home of the Parrot-Loving, Slightly Neurotic,

Jewelry Designing, Enigmatic Pagan Chick!


my depression is setting in again. not sure if it has to do with the shortening of the days...the colder weather...or if it's missing my family so much after seeing everyone at cooper's funeral; or a combination of all of the above.

i hate being depressed. hate it with a passion. i have no reason to be depressed! i really think a big part of it is that i am so incredibly lonely! i miss my mom and my daughter so much. my hubby is so much a loner and just doesn't need conversation and company the way i do. i need to find a way to reach out more to friends that i used to talk to. see if i can find a way to get the depression under control before it begins to control me.

i want a life like a sit com! i know that is so silly...that sitcoms are not real life and yet there's a part of me that yearns to live that kind of life. a hubby, several kids, big extended family in and out of the house all the time. like "everyone loves raymond". i need people around. and the hubby is the total opposite. we'll have to find a way to compromise so we can both be happy.

*sigh* i'm not sure what the answer is. i just know i am tired of being alone so often. i need to find friends that are willing to come over to my house and visit, watch movies etc. with the chronic pain issues i have trouble getting out much on the weekends; but i'd love to have girlfriends come over and watch a movie, eat, make some jewelry or any type of crafty project. damn, do i sound boring as hell?

so how does one go about making new friends at age 42? it was easier when 'em' was little because i met so many other mom's at her girl scout meetings and school functions etc. but now, other than work i don't go out much. i've thought about maybe joining a book club. maybe i'll check online or craig's list or something and see if i can find a bookclub. i adore reading! that would be a good way to meet people with some of the same interests as i have.

anyway...work was good today. i'm pretty well caught up with my work. today was busy on the radio/phone tho. the guys kept calling in to check on various addresses over and over. is that house active or disconnected. etc. maybe i should be evil one day and have them disconnect everyone's cable on the odd numbered houses! lol....nahhhh...that would be totally cruel!

the hubby came and picked me up for lunch and took me out to 'paneras'...yummy! i had veggie soup in a sourdough bread bowl. a great lunch for a cloudy cool today. but some couple already had the table by the fireplace...grrrr~ oh well, maybe next time! then got back from lunch and realized that the management company that owns all the buildings where our offices are was having a big cookout today. so the guy i share an office with and i walked over to see what they had. yum, they had ice cream!! so i got some ice cream to take back to work with me for later. i never did eat it...guess it'll be there tomorrow for a snack!

got home from work and watched a couple of shows that i had tivo'ed. the hubby took the dogs for a walk and now i'm just catching up online. it's almost 8 pm and i'm just feeling blah. i think i might call my mom. that always cheers me up! or makes me more homesick. damn, i'm one whiny bitch tonight. i think i may just take a sleeping pill and go to bed early tonight. it's kinda one of those days that you can't wait til it's over!

~zen....the bird with the drooping feathers. 5 little birdies chirped

7:28 p.m. :: ::
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