i'll miss you cooper...

went back home this weekend for cooper's funeral. it was awful...and it still doesn't seem real! maybe because it was a memorial service and i never saw his body so i never got to say a proper goodbye. i never got to seem him in the hospital so in some ways it feels like cooper's just away somewhere and i'll see him again next time i'm in town.

one of the hardest things at the funeral was seeing how hard it was on my brothers and on my daughter. it broke my heart to seem them in tears. my daughter just lost it in the funeral, crying and sobbing. it was her first funeral, her first experience with death and i felt so helpless in trying to comfort her.

but i did feel especially close to my family this weekend and that part was good. i really wish i could see them more often. i really need to make sure i get home more often. it's hard with working full time now tho, i'm just so tired evenings and weekends that i need that time to recoup.

work is going well...the people are really nice there and the work is enjoyable. i'm only sorry now that it is just a temporary position for this is a job that i would like to have permanently. i think when this temp assignment is up, i will put in resumes at this same company and see what happens!

and i love having a paycheck again! i've bought some new clothes and a few gorgeous garnet and sterling rings and garnet beads that i am planning on making into a lovely necklace. garnets, especially the dark purply red ones are my favorite stones, and my dear em's birthstone as well!

i'm not buying much in the way of clothing items because i still have weight to lose after my past year of laying on the couch day in and day out. surgeries and infections tend to make exercise nearly impossible and i spent way too much time vegging on the couch and eating junk food! so once i drop some of this weight i'll buy new jeans!

things with hubby are up and down. he's just so damn moody! i often feel i'm walking on eggshells around him...it's a balancing act trying to figure out what will irritate him on a particular day. drives me nuts! i feel like he is trying to pick fights with me and i refuse to fight back! but he can be so hateful sometimes! i don't want to show him how much he hurts my feelings tho.

animals are all doing well. i still miss them sooo much while i'm at work all day and part of me still feels guilty that i'm gone all day now and they're home alone. but they seem to have adjusted well. easier than i have anyway!

well i'm off to catch up on a couple of diaries before i head to sleep. i'll try to do better at updating!

~zen 3 little birdies chirped