i'm melting, i'm melting!
zoey update - she's doing fabulous! be-bopping all over her cage with tucker, bright eyed and feather poofing! you can tell she's so happy to feel well, she just stays poofed all the time! she still doesn't have her voice back, just a teeny little chirp here and there but i'm hoping that it'll come back. she's decided she loves her antibiotic and as soon as she sees the bright pink bottle comes tripping over to me as fast as her tiny little legs will take her. i let her sit on one finger and hold the dropper with the other hand and she tilts her little head back and opens her beak wide like a baby bird taking food from her mama. it's so damn cute! gawd, i love that fid!
i go back to the doctor on thursday and am hoping (finally) for some good news. the hubby who packs my incisions daily says they look to be healing up some. i'm ready to go back to work, while terrified at the same time. it's always difficult to jump back into the workforce after having been off for awhile. you know those first weeks of getting to know the people and the routine and what's expected of you. but i know i have good skills and i'm fun to be around! *grin* my bosses have always said that i am a positive person and brighten the office.
okay, okay, that's disgustingly mary fucking sunshine...but the truth is i enjoy working and being out around people. then i get to go home to my birdcave and hibernate with the hubby evenings and weekends. i guess i enjoy the balance. at times i crave the solitude...but other times i seem to need the distraction of other people. you know to take me out of myself. i tend to get to wrapped up into my own head.
i feel that i have this protective bubble around me and as long as i don't have to think too much or feel too much that bubble stays intact. i hate when there's a crack in my protective veneer and the feelings assault me. they scare the shit out of me. they bury me and suffocate me. how do people do this, i think?
so as soon as possible i repair that crack and float away in my own private world. i hate memories at times and i'll do anything to distract myself from them. i'm sure a therapist would tell me i need to face them and FEEL them and move on. but i tend to retract when i feel pain...and i just don't feel like rushing head first into something that fucking hurts!
hmmm, where in the world is this post going? best to stop any introspection now. i do need to work on Part III of my zen saga, perhaps that'll be my way of working through some shit in my head. i'll try to get to that this week...promise!
~zen (trying not to melt in this midwest humidity) 1 little birdies chirped
