Zen's Aviary...
Home of the Parrot-Loving, Slightly Neurotic,

Jewelry Designing, Enigmatic Pagan Chick!

jewelry, IMing and a question.


the sterling heart was my first necklace when i was a baby...i made the necklace of garnet and onyx for my daughter...garnet is her birthstone.

i've always adored stones and gemstones and played around with making jewelry...but when i first started having so many health problems and spent so many days just lying on the couch i got serious about making jewelry. i'm finally actually making some money at it too...although i'm trying to break into some new venues! i have a website, which is right now under construction as the hubby adds some new features.

i've tried to get into the larger craft and art fairs around here...i had to send them examples of my work and then i was accepted as a vendor...the only problem is they only let in so many of each type of craft...and current artists get the option of being there year after year, so basically unless the fairs grow or an artist drops out i can't get into any of the big fairs around here. i'm thinking i'll have to branch out to some smaller towns in the area and do some smaller fairs just so i can make some money. it's expensive to buy all the supplies and if i'm not selling many pieces it's really tough.

my goal is to someday do this full time, but right now i'm not making enough. even though i'm not working right now due to health reasons, the plan is for me to go back to work once i get the surgery to fix my stimulator. i've been working more with silver lately and even made some rings. i'd like to take a silver smithing class eventually.

today was a pretty good day...did some housework and laundry and now i'm exhausted! took an extra pain pill and was able to get the bed changed and now tonight will be so lovely to slip into clean sheets and comforter! i also got several loads of laundry done and put away .... go me! now i'm lying on the couch with my laptop and hoping the pain pill i just took will help. but i am proud of myself for getting so much done today.

stalker boy IM'ed me first thing this morning; he said " hey pretty lady, it's hot daddy the love machine". i shuddered then responded to him: "well, that's pretty gross and my only love machine is my hubby". (i was channeling LA at the time! *smile*). he apologized to me and i spoke to him briefly about the weather and such.

brief interlude for back ground information. as i mentioned the other day stalker boy and i met about 22 years ago in a psych hospital when i was inpatient for my anorexia. he was hospitalized for depression and suicide attempts. we became good friends in the hospital.

back to our regularly scheduled IM moment. he asked me if i had time for a serious conversation. i told him no that it wasn't a good time for me as i had lots of laundry and housework. i told him that'd i'd be checking my IM periodically but didn't have time to just sit and chat. his reply "well, okay...i guess i have to say i'm okay with that because i don't want to lose you, that's how much your friendship means to me".

i didn't respond and went off to do my housework. a couple of hours later i went back and he had been IM'ing me song lyrics he had written for me. i was a bit skeeved out but decided to just ignore it. i know, i know guys, but i'm trying to handle this situation without hurting him. he asked me if i would like him to teach me song lyrics and i told him no, that i enjoyed writing poetry but wasn't very musically inclined and just didnt' have the interest in writing lyrics.

i then went on about my day...later i got on the computer and he IM'ed me again telling me that he was having a hard time with depression. he said "do you remember me once telling you that i'd never try to hurt myself or committ suicide without talking to you about it first"............i was like "um yeah". ( i was 19 back then!!!) he said "i still promise to talk to you first if i feel that bad"....i suggested that he see his doctor about getting his antidepressant doseage changed. then i told him i really had to go.

i just felt like he was trying to manipulate me into staying and talking to him. i thought i did well setting the boundaries tho. i just feel bad about just dropping him as a friend. i mean, we were really close at one time and he helped me thru a very tough time in my life. it's so hard for me to just say "you have to stop talking to me, i don't want to talk to you".

am i being crazy? honest answers only please!

~zen 0 little birdies chirped

9:17 p.m. :: ::
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