meds, surgery dates, growing up!

i called my mother-in-law night before last to check on how my sister in law was doing. she said that velvet (not her real name) was still in the hospital, still hooked up to tubes and strapped down. she was finally off the respirator but was still comatose. for those who don't know velvet tried to kill herself last week by taking a shitload of pills. my mother in law is so angry. i know she is seeing things more from her son's part but i feel like i am the only one in this family that has any sympathy for velvet at all. the mil (mother in law)..hmmmm, she needs a name doesn't she! but i can't choose that name so quickly...when i decide i'll let ya know!...anyway the mil said that her son has just about had it with velvet and it's over, the marriage i mean. my first thought is just when velvet needs him the most he's leaving her! but i try to keep my mouth shut because i really don't know the whole dynamics of their relationship. the mil said that velvet has been a hateful angry depressed woman for so long that the whole family is miserable. i hope surviving this suicide attempt will give velvet a fresh look at life. she has a beautiful daughter...who cares about the rest!

what else is going on with the zen's family? my daughter is doing well in school...busy, busy, busy. i wish she were coming home for easter weekend but she doesn't have a car on campus and unless she can get a ride in with someone she'll stay there. much more fun than mom's house anyway! *smile* i just really miss her so much! as i've said before Em is brilliant and instead of going to her junior and senior year of high school she entered college at 16, so now she is 19 and a junior in college. it's so hard when they grow up and spread those wings! but i know i have to let her have her own nest now. as hard as it is for mommy bird back home. but i'm happy for her independence and strength, maybe i did something right there??

i am missing my mom and once i get my surgery date i am considering going home for a couple of days. it's a four hour drive though and not sure the back and legs can take it...but i miss my mommy! *smile*

i talked to the nurse at the pain clinic today and she is calling me in a stronger pain med..i tried the percocet and those things are like baby aspirin for fighting my pain. so the hubby is picking up my new script and filling it for me today. maybe i'll actually be able to get out of the house and enjoy this weather this weekend with the better meds! and she said the surgery is "tentatively" scheduled now for may 1st. i'm so afraid to even hope for this. because that would be soooo great. *crosses fingers, spits over left shoulder, hops on one foot while channeling the goddess of good fortune*

i can't believe how hooked on writing in this journal i am. it just helps so much to just the words flow. and i don't know if i am an extreme narcissist or what but i am so addicted to the memes! i've always been one of those people that like filling out forms and such. and these memes are the cherry on the sundae of filling out informational forms...they're all about MEEEEEE!! *grin*

the hubby has been trying to be nicer the past couple of days. he did his form of an apology yesterday about being so angry about the 11.99 i spent. he said, "i just need to know what you spend, we're short on bills right now and i don't want to risk bouncing a check." i did apologize for not telling him i had spent money, however i did not apologize for what i bought (my gold membership here) or agree to try to get the money back. i told him it was important to me and i was keeping the membership. so yay for me for not backing down into a quivering mass of jello. not too long ago i would have cried and begged for forgiveness because i could not handle the idea of the hubby being angry or disappointed in me. i really am getting stronger!

~zen 0 little birdies chirped