doctors, balloons and falls off walls

Had a regular doctor's appointment today...just a check-up and med's refill. Dr. S looked at my chart and noticed I've lost over twenty pounds. He said "normally I'd say congratulations, but with your history I need to ask if this is under control?". I assured him that I'm in control and very rarely purging. He asked how many calories a day I'm eating and I honestly answered that I don't know. I'm not counting every calorie I eat...just eating very particularly. Almost totally fat free ..pitas, cheese, yogurt, crackers, candy as along as it's fat free. It's weird how I can lose weight pretty quickly by eating high amounts of fat free candy! I told him about my back pain and still having UTI's. He checked my urine and it still showed blood in it so he ordered a CAT scan and X-ray and blood work to check for kidney stones. He also said my urine showed evidence of ketones. My body is burning fat.....YAY!!! He told me to go over to the hospital for my tests and he wanted to see me in one week to check my urine again and also to check my weight. Uh-oh, it appears the red flag of anorexia has been raised. More on this issue later.

So off to the hospital for blood work and tests. Blood work goes quickly, the women at this hospital are the best vampires of anywhere I've had to get bloodwork done. Anyway then it's off to the CAT scan area. I didn't have to wait very long actually. There was one other woman waiting, a large woman in an electric wheelchair. I hate waiting for tests so I smiled at her hoping to engage in brief chat to help the time go more quickly...but she gave me a quite unfriendly look and wheeled her chair to the other side of the room! *shrugs* I have no clue what that was about. Guess she wasn't feeling chatty or didn't like the looks of me! Quick CAT-scan...they are so much different than when I first started getting them...now it's zoom in and out and off for the X-ray. That completed and I was off to run the rest of my errands.

Walmart for birdseed and CD's. Trying to find a CD for Guy...tomorrow is his birthday and he's coming over for dinner. Wouldn't you know it, Walmart is out of Barry Manilow...who'd have thought that Manilow would sell out!!! I did buy myself the new "Saving Jane"...I know, I'm so bad spending money while I'm not working but I really wanted this CD! So found everything at Walmart except Guy's CD so off to Target...there I find balloons and a giftbox....but alas the Barry Manilow is sold out again!! WTF? So I decide one more stop and then if I can't find it, Guy is going to have to get a gift cert! But my last stop I do find it and finally can head home! Hubby's just arrived home so I'll return later to finish this! ----hours later So finished the errands this afternoon and arrived home to hear a message on the machine from Dr. S. Good news is that I don't have kidney stones. Bad news I still have to go see a urologist...guess blood in the urine for months now is not a good thing. Heh. Dr. S. said that because I'm a former smoker and am having so many problems with blood in the urine I have to be checked for kidney cancer. Damn, he made the jump from blood in the urine to kidney cancer pretty quickly I'm thinking! He pats my arm and says "Don't worry, I'm in no way thinking you have kidney cancer"....ummm, gee thanks doc! It'll be nice to get this taken care of tho and here's hoping it's something minor. My poor body...sometimes I'm surprised it's doing as well as it is after all the years of starving and purging. So on to other subjects. Tomorrow Guy is coming over for his birthday. I'll hang some balloons and make a cutesy sign for him. He'll love it. He doesn't know anyone else around here, hasn't lived here long and he's such a sweetie. We've been friends since high school! Strictly platonic always! Went outside to help hubby try to figure out why satellite is not working. Stupidly walked onto this four foot wall for him to track a cable. He hands me the flashlight and asks me to walk along this wall and see if the cable is attached all the way. I edge my way slowly along the wall...and of course, ms. graceful herself find myself slipping and falling against the garage and onto my knees. I yell of course...it hurt!! Hubby yells at me! "Jesus Christ woman, I can't ask you to help with anything, you're so clumsy"....Umm, yes thanks, I think I'm okay, nothing broken! Grrr...and then to make it worse, I find myself apologizing to him for falling!! I hate when I turn into a sniveling little girl who screwed up! Why did I apologize because I fell? I need to stop behaving that way. How to stop decades of feeling like I'm always the one who screwed up and has to apologize? One step at a time.... ~Zen 0 little birdies chirped