i'm growing!

last night was my regularly scheduled american idol night with my friend guy. i had tivo'ed the tuesday night episdoe so we watched it first and for the most part enjoyed the music. i thought paris did a great job...her voice just seemed made for that genre of music. it was nice to hear chris do a ballad and katharine was gorgeous as always...and oh yeah, she can sing! during the results show i was relieved to see ace voted off. all in all an enjoyable evening and i even got guy to have a drink with me! whiskey that is, liquid gold...*smile*. i was so sleepy after that i was barely able to keep my eyes open for "family guy"....oh my gosh how could i have missed this show for the past, however long it has been on, for this show is gut holding laugh out loud funny! even when barely awake! guy left around ten-thirty and i ended up lying on the couch to watch one more show and eat one of my little cadbury chocolate bunnies! can you say yum! i knew you could!

well the next thing i know it is 3:00AM and i awaken suddenly on the couch, the television is still on and i'm still clutching my barely eaten cadbury bunny....what a mess chocolate makes when it's been it your hot little hand for over four hours! oh my!

today was promising to be a rainy day so decided to go to the pharmacy and grocery early...also wanted to get it done so i could get home and take my morphine. i don't like to drive while taking it. had to go to the grocery store and feed my addictions.....diet sunkist, nerds and chewey sprees as well as pick up a few dinner items for the hubby. at the pharmacy the easter candy was 75% off and i got some russel stover candy eggs...the whole bag of foil covered eggs for like .60 cents! woohoo!

came home and stalker boy had been IM'ing me for awhile. i remembered what some of you had said regarding him and decided to confront him. i can't remember the exact wording but it was something like this.

s.b - hey gorgeous lady.

me - hello.

s.b - so babydoll do you want to hear some more lyrics i have written. talking to you has made me write so much more, i'm filling up notebooks with song lyrics.

me - i don't think so. there is something we need to talk about.

s.b. - you can tell me anything, i value our friendship above all.

me - you have been married for 16 years and have two beautiful daughters. i feel that the energy that you are putting into writing lyrics to me and the endearments you are saying to me should be used towards working on your marriage. you owe that to your wife and to your children.

s.b. - why are you knocking me down.

me - i'm not, but if you think you want to remain friends at all with me then you have to know that i am going to be honest and upfront with you. i love my hubby, he is the love of my life and my soulmate. i will NEVER cheat on him and NEVER leave him. you need to make things right with your family and spend the time that you use to write songs to me writing songs to them.

s.b. - i'm glad you could be honest with me. i'm sorry if i made you uncomfortable. i do value our friendship and want to stay friends.

me - thank you. i have to get off here now because i have things that have to get done.

so that was it. i hope i got the point across that i was trying to. i hope this is the end of how he was acting. we were close friends many years ago and i hate to toss away a friendship...but we haven't really talked in the past 19 years or so and the way he jumped right into things did make me a bit freaked out. we'll see what happens now. i will not allow him to use endearments to me or to write me songs. because he just takes things too far when he does. if he can't follow the boundaries of friendship that i feel comfortable i just won't be able to talk to him anymore.

i'm not being too harsh on him, am i? i feel like i handled it well. he hasn't IM'ed me again today so that has actually been a relief. *sigh* i hate to hurt people's feelings but this needed done.

so the rest of the day was good...did a few things around the house and i'm reading a pretty good book..."no place like home", by mary higgins clark. a good mystery, fast read that keeps me entertained. book candy as LA once referred to easy reads like this. perfectly apt description!

you know it's ironic but when i first started this diary my plan was to write down everything i ate, the calorie counts of every food i ate and my daily weight. but the longer i write in here the more i realize how insignificant all that is. i'm finding that i'm more than a number on a scale and how many calories i eat. i thought this diary would help me be a better anorexic, but what this diary has done is helped me towards recovery. i'm finding i'm not obsessing nearly as much about that stuff. i find that it's boring and dull and i'm a much more interesting person when i talk and think of other things! it's exciting really to be running towards recovery rather than away from it. it's a new exciting journey and i'm so happy to have all of you on the trail with me.

it means so much to me that people out there are reading my diary...it makes me feel connected to all of you. so thank you to my readers out there and thank you for the notes and comments in my guest book. you don't know how much it means to me!!

~zen (flying on the recovery wind) 1 little birdies chirped